I recommend morning bike rides to everyone.

I’ll tell you, it was a real ass. With a capital letter! Eh, what’s with the capital letter, all the letters in this word, looking at this miracle, were capitalized - ASS! No more and no less. What other butts, buns and other rubbish are there, or whatever else they call this part of the body in conversation? Looking at the forms swaying in front of me, I was no more worried than these waving pillows covered in sports tights. Wow! And I was still a fool and didn’t want to go. Now I’ll definitely be riding with Seryoga all week. But I got ahead of myself, let's take it in order.

I was on vacation. My old friend, taking advantage of the absence of his family and the coincidental vacation of

with mine, invited me to his place. I agreed without hesitation; Seryoga and I were buzzing to the fullest. What an unpleasant surprise it turned out to be for me that Seryoga quit drinking, left his immoral lifestyle in the past, and generally took up sports. It’s not that I’m completely upset, no, I’m happy for Seryoga, but my vacation plans went topsy-turvy. On this occasion, yesterday, on my first evening visiting him, I puffed up smoke and fell asleep like an overfed baby.

The next morning, naturally, my head was not mine, the company was in pain, my body was breaking down. Having opened my eyes, I saw Seryoga’s smiling face above me:

- Sanya woke up (that’s me)? Come on, get up, I know how to get you on your feet.

He ​​was dressed in something sporty and radiated optimism and a fragrant appearance.

— You look great,” I paused to drink the brine, prepared in advance at arm’s length, “can you tell me the recipe?”

The answer was the kind laughter of my friend:

- Of course I’ll give you a hint. Here are some things for you,” they handed me an underwear similar to what he himself was wearing, “you will go with me on a bike ride.”

I remember that my friend is also a humorist, but not to the same extent. I was on a killer hangover, and they offered me physical exercise that was not shabby, just delightful.

- Seryozha, of course, I respect you and all that, but this is too much.

They didn’t answer me anything, they just grabbed me by the armpits and forcibly placed my long-suffering body in the middle of the room.

- It only seems so to you. Today, of course, it won’t be easy for you, but that’s okay, the trouble is just beginning.

All this was accompanied by my changing clothes, or rather, to begin with, undressing, I was even indignant, before I had time, I was in my underwear. Seryoga felt me ​​all over, walked around me a couple of times, clicking something with his tongue, and gave a summary:

- Hmm, you've let yourself down, my friend, that's for sure. It's time to change Sasha's lifestyle, it's time.

- Okay,” I snatched the clothes from his hands, “teach more, the physical teacher has been found.”

Ten minutes into the shower and five into the wardrobe, I looked very ambivalent. With my clothes I personified an avid athlete, but with my face... my rumpled face signaled a clear diagnosis of “Gesticus Pohmylicus”, which required unambiguous treatment by drinking liquids containing alcohol. Well, or at least a hot borscht. And of course it’s better to do both. Such external incompatibility did not satisfy me, and I solved this problem by putting fashionable sports glasses on my nose, which I unceremoniously removed from Seryoga.

- Let's go, damn champion.

When they brought me a two-wheeled unknown animal, precisely an animal, because I hadn’t sat on a bike for twenty years, I gasped. You think because of its cosmic beauty and coolness, to hell with it. It was pink and the wheels were white. Yeah, so sporty, a lot of bells and whistles, and a wonderful pink color. I took a closer look at the name, didn't it say Paris Hilton?

- Seryozha, I won’t go on this.

- What do you mean? Well, yes, this is my wife’s bike, we ride together. Don't worry, I adjusted everything for you. You won’t regret it, the device is just a beast, and there’s not much effort required. Plus the route is not busy.

- Are you being a fool? It's pink!!!

Seryoga looked at the bike, then at me, then back at the bike, and so on. I blinked my eyes and didn’t understand why I was so unhappy.

- I don’t understand, what difference does it make to you? Yes, anyone who knows a lot about this issue will give a lot for such a technique. Pink,” he snorted, and so furiously, “come on, sit down.”

I’m falling lower and lower. I was not a prude or a chauvinist, but if I saw an adult guy on a pink bike on the street, I would definitely smile. And here, it seems, Seryoga really had no idea how I was performing like that, so I had to take a deep breath, throw my leg over and lower my seat onto the saddle, as it seems to be called. It’s very strange, the saddle turned out to be quite narrow, I didn’t notice it right away. However, it was comfortable to sit.

The first minutes of the ride were not easy. Sweat poured out like a hail, my hands were shaking, my legs didn’t obey me. It became clear that the park we entered would become my grave. Seryoga immediately picked up the pace and flew forward. I trudged along at the end of our small caravan, making uncertain zigzags. Not surprisingly, after a while I stopped. The body required rest, and the lungs needed air. Since standing was too much for me, I stopped near a bench, where I sat down with a feeling of injustice and reproach for an imperfect world. I understood that this was my last ride on a bicycle, at least after drinking. After drinking a fair amount of water from a plastic bottle, my eyelids closed, seemingly forever.

This is where everything changed. Having briefly opened my eyes to the white light, which I closed in exhaustion, my gaze immediately fell on a woman slowly moving away on her two-wheeled friend. Everything would be fine, a woman like a woman, if not for her outstanding, both literally and figuratively, ass. Even with glasses, even in such a fucked-up state, I was able to capture all the splendor of such a masterpiece, gradually floating away from me along the path.

Where did the fatigue go, a moment, I settled down in the wake of the vision that struck me. Maybe it was my imagination? I put my glasses away to hell, took a closer look and realized I was in love! The object of my adoration was driving two meters in front of me. The ass was big, just big, I insist! How can I describe figuratively, oh, take two large apples and place them side by side. You'll get a rough picture. At the same time, there are no traces of fat, obesity or other disgraces. Gray sports tights, or pants, or leggings, it doesn’t matter, they fit the two hemispheres perfectly. It was impossible to hide anything. Holy shit, where are the panties? They should have been visible through the stretched fabric. O my bastard, is she without underwear?! My blood was boiling, I was ready to forget about everything and immediately grab that ass. And also, whether you want to laugh or not, now I would really like to be in the place of the bicycle saddle of her bicycle. Ah-ah-ah-ah, what is it?

I don’t know whether I bleated something out loud, or whether the owner of the treasure sensed my gaze, but she turned around. Damn, she's also pretty. Not the same as her food, of course, but it’ll do just fine, dear. They gave me a quick glance and brought him back on the path ahead. Oh, good auntie, don’t stop me from admiring. But I couldn’t admire it, the owner of the ass, I’ll call her the ass, spurred her horse and rode off at a much faster speed. Ay-ay-ay, I tried to keep up and also increased my speed.

Every meter of the race drove me crazy. The thing is, the mistress of my still unrequited love had to stand up slightly in order to press harder on the pedals. I didn’t keep up, where did my health come from?! And accordingly, my ass appeared in front of me in all its dazzling fullness, unconstrained by the bicycle saddle. That's it, completely gone. The halves of the ass were rolling over each other, back and forth, back and forth. I stopped paying attention to the road completely, what the hell is the road. I was guided by my guiding star, behind it I raced on a pink miracle-yuda in the hope of reciprocity. Of course, such frivolous behavior, even if not on a real road with cars, led to a logical result.

My pink lightning flew in, or maybe they flew into it, in short, the roar from the collision of two bikes brought me out of the fog of persecution and contemplation for a while. The most offensive words in the world immediately formed in my head against the scum and the brute who tore me away from my beloved. Moreover, through the fault of this bitch, I’m not afraid of this word, I lost sight of the actual object of my adoration. Well, that's it, Kambet for you. Turning towards the addressee for first-class abuse, I heard the first swearing:

- Fuck, Sanya, why are you rushing around like crazy. And where have you been, I’m looking for you all over the park.

Oops, my friend Seryoga was sitting on his fifth point, rubbing his elbow and knee at the same time. So this is the meeting on the Elbe. Having swallowed all the offensive language, I raised my two-wheeled blonde girlfriend:

- Seryoga, that’s all later. I have no time now.

Yes, the vile fate of the villain decided to laugh at me. The front wheel had a shape that I remember from school. Classic eight. Bummer.

— Your bike is fine,” I helpfully picked up my friend’s iron horse, “yeah, it seems fine.”

Seryoga did not share my optimism:

- What do you mean okay? Look, the paint has been knocked off, the pedal is bent,” his gaze moved to his wife’s vehicle, “Christmas tree, I’m in trouble.” Wait, where are you going?

Where, where, there. Seryoga's indignation was drowned in the distance that quickly separated us. You will understand everything, I will explain it to you later. Squeezing all the juice out of Seryoga’s bike, and out of myself too, I rode at maximum speed as best I could. Where are you where? I didn’t know the park at all, but then, as luck would have it, it turned out that not only my friend and I were involved in cycling. I probably didn’t pay attention at first, there was no time for that, to my surprise there was a ton of people pedaling. So where can I look for my beloved now?

After about ten minutes I was exhausted. Still, the hangover and unexpected stress made themselves felt. Realizing that I had no more strength, I stopped at a bench, that’s it. Cursing at myself, Seryoga, vodka and bad luck, I fell on the bench and closed my eyes. My mind was immediately captured by images of the ass. Here she is in a calm state, as if carved from marble, majestic and beautiful. Here she is alive, every movement of her legs echoes with pleasant vibrations in her vast expanses. My ass hugs the bicycle saddle, wow, how sexy that is. How does she even ride her bike calmly, no one gets in the way, no one bothers her? The ass gently and at the same time persistently squeezes the saddle between its halves, gently enveloping its contours. The picture is worthy of going crazy. Here she drives by, adding fuel to the fire. I looked after the retreating ass, burning inside with regret, it is unlikely that we will see each other again.

A second later, I realized I had to stop drinking. And all because the retreating object of desire was not an image in my head. SHE REALLY JUST PASSED PAST ME! Caramba! Like a dashing cavalryman, I was in the saddle instantly. Before I had time to take a breath, my legs were already pedaling no worse than at the world championship. As a result, within a minute I was already next to her. She is with me again, my ass, my beauty!

They discovered me very quickly. Only now the hostess did not leave. She just stopped and watched as I frantically pressed the brakes, trying to save face and not crash into her.

- Would you bother to explain why you are pursuing me? Try to answer honestly. Otherwise I will call security and the police. Are you a maniac?

Good maniac. Covered in soap, my mouth was dry, my legs didn’t obey me, my shortness of breath could be heard as if from the other end of the park.

— Similar?

- For whom?

- Like a maniac.

- Actually, not very much.

- That's right, I'm not a maniac.

The gaze softened somewhat, but the eyebrows were knitted very belligerently.

- Why are you following me then?

— Honestly?

- Of course.

— How is it?

— Yes, speak already.

- I’m not coming for you.

The hostess was completely confused:

- I don’t understand anything. You're just following me like an attached person.

- Not for you.

- Finally, explain yourself.

- I went after your ass.

If you say that the slap was a surprise, I would be lying. Something like this was expected. You know, this slap even cheered me up.

- Ham! - and drove on.

Our proud Varyag does not surrender to the enemy. Scared me. Ha, yes, if she could see her ass from the same angle as I do, she would understand that she could endure at least a dozen more slaps. And I kept up.

Summing up the next fifteen minutes, you can add four more slaps to the scorecard and she missed twice. After the third mistake, she did not leave.

- Lord, what do you want from me?

Once the drinking has started, cut the last cucumber. Well, we have to tell it like it is.

- I need your ass. And one more thing, I have a request, let’s stand a little, I’m not very used to such pedal loads.

- Amazing. Unthinkable. And how often do you open up to strangers about your desires?

— Phew,” I caught my breath, “you won’t believe it, the first time.” I don't recognize myself.

- And the fact that, as you deigned to say, my ass, in general, it’s me, I see, doesn’t interest you much?

- I see, I’m not blind. That’s why I’m talking to you, and getting slaps in the face from you. Sorry, but let’s take a rest before we continue this movement mixed with slaps. And... and I have a request, could you give the slaps on the right side of the face, otherwise, out of habit, the left one has already gone numb.

She looked at me, blinking her eyes:

- So you are determined not to stop?

I shook my head negatively.

- And still, as if incited to demand my ass?

I nodded in the affirmative.

- And what should I do with you?

Well, finally, otherwise I was already on the verge of giving up this idea and this damned ass that just jinxed me:

- Come with me.

You may ask, where is the sex in that? Fuck? At worst, erotica? Ask and you will be right, because everything described is broadcast for the site of porn stories. I hasten to reassure you, sex took place. To do this, I had to find Seryoga, take the keys to his own apartment from his screaming and not understanding comrade. I finally pissed him off by asking him not to show up until I called home. All this time, I honestly and openly showered compliments on my new friend, highlighting, of course, her most outstanding advantage. Oh, Maria Petrovna, our literature teacher, if she heard my nightingale trills now, she would definitely give me an A for the year. However, while we got to my temporary hut, Taya, and that was the name of the mistress of my tenderness, literally did not leave three times. I had to convince her that until she gives me the opportunity to repay the debt of love to her ass, I will not leave her. Having gotten seriously scared and imagining how I would follow her around for another whole week, Taisiya reconciled herself.

Once in the apartment, Taya rushed me to the bathroom. Yes, and she was nervous, bless you. Yeah, look for a fool. I'm going to the bathroom, and she's out the door. Therefore, without giving her time to come to her senses, I pressed Taya against the wall and with feeling laid my hands on her ASS! My eyes didn't deceive me. It was true. It was the most luxurious feeling of my life! The ass wasn't soft, but it wasn't hard either. Under my palms there was unsurpassed elasticity, embodied in wide dimensions!

Glancing briefly at Taisiya, I saw that she was simply tolerating my caresses. I didn’t see any languor or excitement. She wanted to finish everything quickly and never see me again. Do you think this confused me? Nothing like that! I had her ass in my hands, that’s what I needed. So I stopped paying attention to her and set about uncovering the eighth wonder of the world.

Very slowly, centimeter by centimeter, I rolled down my sports tights, revealing the prize I had received today. I kissed every naked piece of her body frantically, loving the touch of the skin. Speaking of skin. Didn't let me down, oh, didn't let me down. Even, smooth, it was a true decoration of the ASS. Probably, many will think what a thrill it is if you didn’t even have time to wash yourself! And this after a bike ride!? Perhaps

yesterday I would have agreed with you. But not today! Falling to my ass and covering it with kisses, I was like Napoleon. Remember his letter to Josephine - don’t wash yourself, I’m on my way! If you don't remember, that's fine.

Having freed Taisiya from her tights, I turned my ass towards the daylight generously coming from the kitchen. It is not surprising that during the pursuit I thought that she was without underwear. Thongs were the nominal panties for such open spaces. The belt was covered by a rope, from which another rope stretched down, getting lost in the mysterious depths, not yet known to me. So brave and courageous pioneers get to work! Grabbing, no, not like that. Trying to grasp the halves of the ass with my palms, I began to knead them, either lifting them up or spreading them apart. Вот гадом буду, через две минуты она мне ответила! Моя, как казалось, не разделенная любовь ответила мне взаимностью! Вы только не подумайте, что я имел ввиду Таисию. Я на неё даже не глядел. Мой взор был обращен только на жопку, в половинки, а да чего там, в половинищи которой я нещадно вонзил пальцы.

Так о чем это я? Ах да, мне ответили! Под моими пальцами жопка задрожала, издавая коротенькие судороги. Я был на седьмом небе! Сейчас, сейчас родная я тебе тоже отвечу! Однако моему естественному порыву влюбленного помешала Таисия. Осознав, что я её обнажили до пояса, только снизу, нагнули, увидев меня со стоячим членом, она поняла, что сейчас её в натуре трахнут в задницу. Тая стала вырываться. А что вы думали, любовь это всегда испытание! Это всегда преграды перед двумя влюблёнными! Короче, дабы получить доступ к возлюбленной моей, пришлось повести себя как обычному любовнику с обычным ритуалом. То есть по порядку:

— поцелуи

— взаимные (и то хлеб) ласки естественных половых органов

— немного оральных ласк естественных половых органов

— ласки сисичек Таисии (а ничего так оказались сисички, отзывчивые)

И наконец, проникновение естественного полового органа мужчины, то есть члена, во влагалище. Вот все-таки мужики изменники. Через пять минут траха, я чуть было не забыл про свою жопку. Так оказалось здорово в дырочке Таисии. Самой Таисии похоже так же прилетел ништяк. Лежа на полу, а, ну да, мы же из прихожей так и не ушли, так вот лежа на полу подо мной, она скулила всё громче и громче. В секундное просветление я понял, что если сейчас не остановлюсь, жопке моей ничего не достанется. Всё достанется киске, и я буду проклинать себя за это. Поэтому совершив серию глубоко проникающих атак во влагалище и вызвав очередное нашествие стонов, я, не дав, Таисии опомниться, поставил её, так сказать, к двери передом, а ко мне задом.

Этот момент настал. Передо мной была ОНА. Я не поэт, но пару строк потом в голову пришло:

Главное ребята, настойчивыми быть

Задницу шикарную ты сможешь получить

Двигаться, стараться, ломиться, добиваться

И ни что сможет тебя остановить.

Меня ничего уже не могло остановить. Обхватив талию, я направил своего бойца на встречу с любимой. Помощь, в виде смазки от киски, помогла мне беспрепятственно войти сразу и на всю длину. Честно, только правда, и ничего кроме правды. Как только я сделал пару движений меж прекрасных полушарий, я перестал, что-либо понимать. В глазах, словно у какой-то девчонки расцвели всякие там ромашки, тюльпаны. (Специально для .оrg — ) Одним словом романтические штучки, сопутствующие первому сексу, каким его описывают в книжках. Я улетел.

Полёт мой, как ни был бы прекрасен, вскоре закончился. Спрашивать разрешения на то, что бы кончить в жопку, я и не подумал. Необходимо было по любому кончить именно в ЗАДНИЦУ! Это было доказательством моей безмерной любви к этой красавице. Да Тая и не ругалась. Только повернула ко мне голову и с отдышкой сказала, что я реально «сумасшедший и полный отморозок». А вот знаете что, мне показалось, не последняя эта встреча. Вот точно не последняя. По крайней мере, на ближайшие шесть дней моего отпуска.