Will you surprise a prostitute?

Will you surprise a prostitute?

 — Lera, how long have you been doing this?

 — About five years, I guess. Around that...

 — Ever thought about quitting?

 — Quitting? And how would I pay the rent then? And I have to raise my son... What kind of future do we have on a seamstress's salary?

 — I see... But, well, this... uh... job... It's very dangerous, isn't it? Have there been any incidents with clients?

 — There's been all sorts. One asshole — almost broke my nose, the bastard! People are often drunk, and you can expect anything from drunks!

 — Have you had any strange clients?

 — Perverts, you mean? There's plenty of that! Like,

about a month ago: Some bald dude took me to a Korean restaurant. Well, we sit, we eat... It's okay, we're eating... Then we go to his place... In the room, on the floor, a white-white carpet, an armchair in the corner — and that's it!

— Sit down," he says, "and relax." Well, I think, he's indecisive — wants to prepare himself, but he tells me: "Lera, when you feel like going to the toilet — tell me!

 — "What do you mean?", and he says: "I," he says, "want you to shit on my face!" Can you imagine? Crazy! "Fuck," I think, "Lerka's done for!" This psycho — he definitely won't let me out alive! But he tells me: "Lera, don't be afraid! I won't hit you and I won't shortchange you... Just do as I ask!"

I say: "What if I don't need to go number two until morning?" And he tells me: — "Don't worry, Lera! I remember you charge by the hour... Morning — so be it morning."

 — Insane! So, what did you do?

 — Well, what could I do? I sit, I wait. No TV, no magazines... Good thing I at least had my purse with my makeup, or I'd have died of boredom...

And you know, that food, Korean... Well, anyway, I started getting really gassy. And you can't tell if you're about to go number two or... Oh! I don't even know how to tell it! It's both funny and a sin, in a word! A few times he shoved his bald mug under my ass, and there — just wind... Oh, I'm embarrassed...

 — It's okay, Lera! Don't worry... So, what happened next?

 — Well, what next? By evening, I finally gave birth — I went and dumped a pile right on his nose! I jumped back and think: "That's it! Now this psycho is going to kill me!"

 — And him?

 — And he — smeared it all over his face — and went to the bathroom... To wash, probably... I'm standing in the corner, scared to death, and then, suddenly, a hand from behind the wall, throws a wallet and keys to the front door, and this nutjob, there, behind the wall, yells: — "Take everything that's there and get lost! Slut!" Well, "slut," so slut... I grab the cash — and — out the door...

 — And him?

 — And he — stayed...

 — Wow... You have a terrible job, Lera!

 — Well, it happens, of course, but mostly, people — are tolerable. — 

 — I understand... The weird stuff is clear... Have any funny things happened?

 — Funny ones — have happened too.

Once, a lady ordered me. Well, I came over, satisfied her lesbian fantasies, went back home. Suddenly, a couple of hours later — a call, to the same address. Only now — a man... Well, I went... It was the classic — oral, anal... Anyway, I get back home, go to take a shower — phone rings: a young guy orders and again to the same address! "Fuck!" — I think! If I'd known — I'd have just hung out on the bench by the entrance! Would've saved so much cash on taxis!

Anyway, I get to the guy's place... It's also standard there — "this and that"... But, the most interesting part — was later! A week later, some old man comes up to me and says:

 — Come, young lady, have dinner with me, like you're my young wife?

 — Well, I say, you know the rates... I can play wife too...

Long story short, we come to the restaurant, and who do you think is there? That whole trio! The husband, the wife, and their son! And my old man — turns out to be their restless grandpa! Fuck! The dinner — somehow didn't go well from the start... They sit there, blushing... and I'm sitting, eating... That's the story...

So, journalist, don't you want a little blowjob, I can do it right here, in the car? Otherwise, it's kind of awkward for me to take money just for talking...

 — No, Lera! Don't. It's all good. Take it. You helped me a lot with the article...

 — Yeah? Well, okay then...

 — Good luck to you, Lera!

 — And to you, colleague, good luck! Drop by if you need anything...

 — Oh, Lera, Lera! And what a tongue you have!

 — I know, I know! Many people praise it...