Someone else: why do we fantasize about others

Here he is, your loved one. You start having sex, close your eyes, and... imagine someone else in his place. About half of men and women are familiar with this situation firsthand. Many immediately start to worry: "Problems in the relationship? Has love faded? Or is there something wrong with me?" But are fantasies really that bad, and when should you actually be concerned? Let's try to figure it out together.

Why does this happen?

In reality, there aren't that many reasons:

1. A person who tends to fantasize in bed is typically characterized by a lively temperament, emotionality, and a desire for vivid experiences.

To get the necessary impressions and enhance sexual excitement, the psyche chooses a simple, reliable, and safe path – fantasies.

This is where imagination comes to the rescue. It turns out that the dreamer is confident in the current situation, but their arousal is heightened by novelty.

3. Each of us has erotic desires that we keep under lock and key. This happens for various reasons:

• our own moral principles and upbringing;

• views on what sex should and shouldn't be;

• norms accepted in society;

• personal taboos;

• unsuccessful past experiences.

Often, all of this prevents us from opening up to our partner.

However, fantasies allow us to feel both free and protected. And all the imagined scenes largely appear thanks to this. The sex partners we imagine help us temporarily forget about our current relationship, feel uninhibited, free from obligations. Yes, there are no negative emotions or shame with them, but they are merely images.

4. Someone else appears in our thoughts not because we have fallen out of love (or not only because of that). Here, it's more likely that the lives of lovers are intertwined into a tight thread, and we simply need a bit more personal space. It happens that a man and a woman are so close that they feel more like brother and sister than spouses. Meanwhile, quality sex requires a small distance. Fantasies precisely help achieve the desired effect. An element of mystery excites, and this benefits the relationship as a whole.

When should you be concerned?

For the most part, fantasies are our allies, and there's no need to worry about them. Especially when it comes to long-term relationships. There might be only one warning sign: if a person fantasizes about others every time because they can no longer relax and enjoy themselves with their current partner otherwise. This could be a way of blocking unpleasant experiences associated with intimacy that you don't actually want. Perhaps you're upset with your partner, bored, or maybe the feelings have long faded. It's worth reflecting and analyzing your emotions.

So, as long as your fantasies remain fantasies, there's nothing terrible about them. On the contrary, they help you experience thrills in absolutely safe conditions. Thanks to hot dreams, attraction to your partner becomes stronger and lasts longer, and in stable relationships, there's a chance to get a lot of vivid impressions.

However, there is another side to the coin. Even though equating fantasies to real infidelity is foolish, usually people don't want to know anything about such thoughts from their partner. The fact that you imagine someone else during sex can be a heavy blow to your partner and sow doubts in their mind about your fidelity.

Remember this and cherish your relationship!